I woke up completely exhausted this morning, having gone to bed just a tad too late. I tried to imagine what my day would entail, and how, at some point, I would get to the beach for a long overdue walk along the shoreline. At some point, I stopped focusing on what needed to be done to get there and became absorbed in my positive attitude.
Being that I have felt really frustrated lately, as though everything is more of a weight than a set of wings, I find the feeling refreshing. I miss this light and airy personality, am looking forward to things again, and feel like I can almost cope with just about anything…though angry people still throw me a bit. Where did this come from?
I’m not tired anymore and haven’t been for a while. I hardly notice as the day rolls along. I’m still celebrating some new steps with my staffing company and seeing growth w/my boss at the computer store as well. I’m feeling like even if I have to abandon living in Wilmington, and believe me, I think about it daily…moving back to Maine will be a step that I take with energy. My kids will be home, I will back with my family, I will spend time with friends, and I may already have an employment opportunity in place. I will smile and laugh a lot more, go to and host cookouts more, spend hours sitting around bonfires sipping an adult beverage, and go to work throughout the week. My kids will be happy…their smiles will return…their laughter will be deep and throaty once more…my husband will come home not emotionally exhausted…and I will get to bask in all this as I watch my family come back together as a unit vs. various individuals sharing a home.
Will I have failed in Wilmington I wonder? Kind of is my answer…having not secured the life I wanted. More importantly, will I have failed in my life? No…thankfully not. I tried it…like forcing down a brussel sprout…and while I liked it, the menu and lifestyle was not one suited to my family. Thank you, but no! So now what…the ever hanging question in my life is taking charge. If I haven’t failed and going home is the option, what is the next step progressively…give me strength that has moving boxes written all over it! LOL