Monthly Archives: July 2012

decisions decisions

when i imagined moving to Wilmington, it was under the pretense that though life here was a little more affordable, i would still make the same wages i made working in Maine. much to my shock and surprise, wages in the south are much lower…and since i live in a beachy area, even less than the average lower wage due to the “beach tax.” ya know, since we live near a beach and entertainment is somewhat less, we dont need to be paid as much. interesting concept that most companies here adhere to firmly while demanding the same level of work. i’m not complaining, and i work just as hard because a good reference is worth the effort no matter the situation, but today, i’m having a hard time being politically correct about it. 

who determines this beach tax theory, and why should a family of four scrape by when two parents and one kid work four jobs…how is it that in the year 2012 wages are equivalent to those earned in 1992? and since this is such a publically verbalized statistic, how is it that the costs are not equivalent to at least 1995 or preferably 1992. if the work force is making less, is this just another avenue of the haves vs the have nots? is that really necessary? and ironically, the have less people, like me, dont qualify for assistance of any kind as we make too much. wtf is that about? 

so i come back repeatedly to staying in nc or moving home to maine. i feel like i will have admitted full defeat by going home, openly admitting by going home that i am a total loser. there are several reasons i like home…friends, family better paying jobs, etc…at the same time, costs of living are exceedingly higher making me think, with statistics in mind, that living there would be any easier than it is here. what the heck. i feel so frustrated…confused…angry and frustrated. ooops, i said frustrated already a few times! LOL 

but i’m just rambling…and its not that i think i can’t make it here as i feel that i can do whatever i set my mind to within reason. i want desperately to open a store though, a bookstore…something simple, small, friendly, etc. i have no doubt that i can make this happen at home…again, do i go home or do i stay? do i admit defeat here in nc and run home, or do i stay and fight? do i try the store here and see what happens, or do i actually just call it a day and turn tail. its just crazy. i feel like i should have taken some kind of medicine today…my brain is all over the place. 

pros and cons run constantly through my mind…i have some nice friends here though i kind of run on the coat tails of my boss. she’s been so great about allowing me to be included and involved…its been very nice to hang with the types of women i want desperately to become. so in that sentence and theory, we should just stay here…but my business, our market is saturated i think here in nc. i have to wonder can i make a go of it here…im not local though, will that work for me or against me? will i need to work on the side to continue making it all happen and flow? my gosh, i sound completely mental! 

i’ll close off and try this again tomorrow!