Monthly Archives: October 2013

Sunflower Galore

Sunflower Galore

An online treasure that I located…cannot claim this one as my own, but it is stunning and on the gray fall mornings of New England, reminds me of the warmer mornings and glowing gardens in our state!

The Rolling Stone

As a parent, I have been blessed with exceptionally healthy children. I never went through the ear infections, sore throats, pneumonia, etc that several of my friend’s children suffered. We had chicken pox when my boys were very small and if they had 50 between them, it would be a high estimate.

Being that they are boys, we have had stitches for one, a broken arm for the other. However, neither of those is a sign of being unhealthy or their bodies rebelling, fighting off viruses.

Monday night, while driving home, I received a phone call indicating my 19 year old son was in excruciating pain, doubled over on the couch. He needed to go to the hospital…mind you, this kiddo is tough, never complains about pain…and it was his voice asking how soon I would be home to take him to see a doctor. I was scared and very unnerved!

A few hours, after blood & urine tests, an xray and sonogram, we learned that he has kidney stones. KIDNEY STONES…old men get those. M is 19, how can that be? My healthy son…how can this be happening?

Here’s how: he’s dehydrated almost all the time, as are many kids his own age. He is not alone in this as his best friends have all had kidney stones…I was shocked because again, to me, old men get this. M consumes Mt Dew by the gallon, eats well most of the time but is an avid snacker, rarely drinks juice or water, and is a fan of party beverages. While he stays “hydrated” with his sodas, it’s dehydrating his body and causing an immense intake of salts and sugars. That’s my current theory…I have much research to complete.

Here’s what I learned…M doesn’t consume enough water or juices, and thus as of Monday has been drinking OJ and water pretty much nonstop. There are diets to help prevent kidney stones from developing. Kidney stones run on Both sides of my family so we are prone to get them. While my mother and I have not had them, at least not so far in our lives, it doesn’t mean that my kids are out of the woods. And finally, the “party” lifestyle my son has been involved with must slow down in a major way – and my son is in total agreement. The plus side…we all can eat and drink more healthy selections thus decreasing the chance of more kidney stones.

This has been the wakeup call from hell for him, causing much pain and genuine distress and anxiety…ironically, the solution is, we wait. As a fixer, waiting does not fit into my schedule or approach and resolution plan…yet, we wait. As a mother, I just want this ordeal to be over for my son…yet, we wait. Hmmm….and we wait!

Interesting Fact! Or maybe not so much….

Interesting fact: I repeatedly commit to writing, taking and posting more photos.
Truth: I fail to back it up!

Self truth: I have a commitment issue when it comes to writing? I forget to make time for myself and what I enjoy, making time instead for any and everything and everyone around me? Is it any wonder I feel that I have lost my voice?

Let me be clear that my laundry skills, dishwashing skills, and housecleaning skills are honed and sharp. Jeans are folded and then hung without a crease; sweatshirts are zipped and hung neatly in the closet; you will rarely find my kitchen sink full of dishes UNLESS I have run out of dishwasher/dish soap; my living room is often orderly and freshly Febreezed. No one in my house has to lift a finger or cook a meal…My kids never want for a ride to and/or from most any location…my husband rarely has to share the television or remote…LOL, for god’s sake, I even fold their underpants!

There it is…because while I sit smiling at that list, almost laughing because of the sarcasm laced behind it, there is the truth of my life. When I am not working, I’m balancing the household, all the cooking and cleaning, my full time employment, and serving as a taxi cab. My husband cannot solve a dilemma alone so I’ve undertaken elements of the male role in my house. I deal with all the bills, the landlord, the school and related business/phone calls. It’s what I do…

I’m not angry…not frustrated…just trying to evaluate where I come in, writing, photography, etc. Where am I in that mix…I love them all dearly but I wonder do they know? Do they understand how those missing elements cut to the core of who I am…and better yet, do they care? Is it wrong to imagine they don’t notice? am I being selfish – always a big concern for me, as I often felt my own mother was selfish though I love her to pieces. Gotta find a voice, a compromise…yup, more later!

 

Moving forward

In an effort to get back to what makes me happy, I’ve combined my kathylynnbentz and bentzonwilmington blogs into one, renamed A Maine Mama’s Mind! Everything I have written and posted is now posted here, including pics. The goal, moving forward, is to consistently write and post photos, get back to sharing myself with whomever is listening and reading.

Writing is something I miss on a daily basis. I spend much time lately wishing I had the talent and moreover, the courage to sit down and write. I read books all the time…various authors with so very many styles of writing. I admire the determination and direction that writing requires, the brute dedication to one story with rewrites and edits until the task is finished to perfection. So many of them say to write what you know…and while I possess a strong knowledge in various fields, I find myself constantly questioning “But who wants to listen? Who cares what you have to say?” Man, I’m my own worst critic! Maybe getting back here will let me find the voice I was once so confident in.

So, if you’re here and reading, that is what you’ll be finding. You’ll be watching me find my own voice, and with any luck, some long buried courage. If it’s not your thing, I totally get it…but if you want to cruise along and cheer me on, I’m ok with that as well. Again, just talking…maybe more to myself than anyone else!