Interesting Fact! Or maybe not so much….

Interesting fact: I repeatedly commit to writing, taking and posting more photos.
Truth: I fail to back it up!

Self truth: I have a commitment issue when it comes to writing? I forget to make time for myself and what I enjoy, making time instead for any and everything and everyone around me? Is it any wonder I feel that I have lost my voice?

Let me be clear that my laundry skills, dishwashing skills, and housecleaning skills are honed and sharp. Jeans are folded and then hung without a crease; sweatshirts are zipped and hung neatly in the closet; you will rarely find my kitchen sink full of dishes UNLESS I have run out of dishwasher/dish soap; my living room is often orderly and freshly Febreezed. No one in my house has to lift a finger or cook a meal…My kids never want for a ride to and/or from most any location…my husband rarely has to share the television or remote…LOL, for god’s sake, I even fold their underpants!

There it is…because while I sit smiling at that list, almost laughing because of the sarcasm laced behind it, there is the truth of my life. When I am not working, I’m balancing the household, all the cooking and cleaning, my full time employment, and serving as a taxi cab. My husband cannot solve a dilemma alone so I’ve undertaken elements of the male role in my house. I deal with all the bills, the landlord, the school and related business/phone calls. It’s what I do…

I’m not angry…not frustrated…just trying to evaluate where I come in, writing, photography, etc. Where am I in that mix…I love them all dearly but I wonder do they know? Do they understand how those missing elements cut to the core of who I am…and better yet, do they care? Is it wrong to imagine they don’t notice? am I being selfish – always a big concern for me, as I often felt my own mother was selfish though I love her to pieces. Gotta find a voice, a compromise…yup, more later!

 

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