Moving on, moving forward…

 

I spent yesterday afternoon with my supervisor at work, in my yearly review. I must admit, I’m a morning person so when our appointment was pushed out to the afternoon, it literally caused my stomach to turn. Mornings…you’re up, still fresh, caffeine is flowing, my brain is still thinking straight. Afternoon, I’m ready for a nap – enough said!!! So there I am, sitting with my supervisor, ironically sitting in the same office in which my interview was conducted…and I mentioned to my supervisor “We have come full circle. This office is where it all began!” She laughed saying, “You’re absolutely right!”

I admit I was nervous though it’s been a great year at work. As of late, I have an offer that is on-hold, with a new company and with any luck, with a substantial raise. I’ve interviewed, done all the footwork for them, and at this point, am waiting for the formal closure and signatures on an account I will be assigned to. It’s exciting to think the change is coming, and in my mind, I’d be moving on and moving forward. We know that’s a huge deal for me right now. The downfall…it’s still in the future, and a lack of communication from said prospective employer is making me a little shaky. I’m an avid and often times Over Communicator when it comes to employment and in the workplace…clearly, this company is not!

But back to my review! I scored very well and was labeled a very logical and business minded individual. I was told I am an out of the box thinker with much to contribute to my office. I was told my communication skills are second to none. I was told that my ability to flex among various positions has made me a huge asset. The review was a big ole pat on the back…Well Done Kath!!

AND THEN…Supervisor: “So what is going on with you lately? It seems that you are disconnected and stand-off-ish.” 

Kath: “I’m fine. There’s a lot happening at home right now. While we are seeing some triumphs, especially with M, there are still a few obstacles.” (The color literally drained out of my face. I could feel it, and have no doubt she could see it.)

Supervisor: “Are you sure you aren’t looking? Somewhere that would allow you to make more money? I wouldn’t blame you if you decide you have to go. I know you are the primary breadwinner and understand the financial side of things. I don’t want you to go, but I understand if that is a decision you have to make.”

Kath: “No…I’m fine, like I said; it’s just things at the house.”  (Being that the new opportunity is not set in stone, I certainly don’t want to burn this bridge in any way, shape or form.)

As a counter, my supervisor knows and understands I have a creative streak…that I love being out in the community and don’t mind pounding the pavement to get information about our services out there…that I enjoy my work but always enjoy more the challenge of something new…knows that I am looking to grow within the company which ultimately will produce more money and opportunity…SO – I’ve been presented with opportunities to work on various committees within my current company. Creative endeavors as well as a new Branding team as we are in the midst of a merger. I must admit, opportunities like this will involve rubbing elbows with the right people in our company, to promote the growth I am looking for; it will take me away from my daily chores and place me in new settings pushing around new ideas, marketing, creativity, writing opportunities. It’s exciting, and I’m excited that I have been invited to be a part of this.

Moving on, moving forward: My thought on this today is…what makes one position more important than another. What percentage value do I place on money above remaining part of a company that thus far, has been nothing but wonderful to me? How much am I worth as an employee, and how much of me am I will to trade to either remain where I am or move forward onto something else? I admit, this is a tough one for me. On one hand, I have my current company who has been amazing to work with, a stellar group of coworkers, and now, the opportunity to work with various committees that may ultimately allow me to move up in the company…but the pay is a tad rough.  On the other hand, a new opportunity that is currently on hold, as I had previously mentioned, in a totally new field, that probably will involve a raise…alternate highlight, I will be working with my sister which will be fun! Do I move on and move forward by continuing to grow with my current company OR do I take a step into something unknown for a bit more money? Is a bigger paycheck the only reason I’m considering the change…do I no longer believe my current company has anything more to offer me? The answer to this all is I genuinely don’t know, that I’m still feeling confused about the “right thing” for me, and that disappointing my supervisor ranks up there with disappointing my close friends as she is a most amazing woman. Dilemmas dilemmas…

My favorite line from the Little Mermaid is “Life is full of tough choices, Isn’t it?” Ironically it’s asked by the Sea Witch who is out to steal her voice. A little symbolism there as well, as I worry that I’ve lost my voice, that which represents me best both at work and at home, in public and in private…that I’ve lost an element of myself which is why I’m desperate to write daily, to maybe find that voice once again. And which professional voice will I take on…my current voice, which is appreciated and respected and valued and listened to though underpaid OR my potential voice which I hope gets the same respect, value, and appreciation for a little more money. I’m just going to ponder I think, let it mull around in my brain while I complete my chores here in the office today.

 

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