A Decision Made, sort of…

 

As the mother of two boys, it has been my pleasure in being that solid and stable personality in their lives. As the mother of two boys, my life has been dedicated to working hard, putting myself aside, and putting on hold so many of my own dreams and goals to nurture theirs. As the mother of two boys, I’ve watched little boys become young adults and now, am preparing to launch them into the world as young men who have come of age and are ready to begin their own lives. As much as I’m positive I will have empty nest syndrome, I’m facing this challenge as just another opportunity to grow, learn, experience, and move forward in my life.

Moving forward, my constant and unending quest for 2014 is still in full effect. I’ve done much thinking as of late and have made some solid decisions. I know that while I love my current position, moving upward and onward is probably not going to happen. I know that while I love my current position, the money is not enough to sustain myself or my household, not to mention the occasional emergency or car repair. While I love my current position, staying bogged down in my small town is not the Happy Ending I am looking for. While I love my current position, I’m smarter than just pushing papers around my desk. The solution is…finding another option!

Option A – Take the opportunity provided to me by my current position to further my education in this field, and study to become an LCSW. Great money, lots of excitement, and a true opportunity to assist others in overcoming their daily struggles…assisting others to overcome some of the same boundaries that hold me captive but that as an outsider I have always been stellar at helping others jump over. I started out in this field until a crazy college Psych professor spent an entire semester touting the value of the female menstrual cycle…I wondered, just how Psych-Otic I would become in this profession!

Option B – Step away from mental health all together, minus making my own better, and jump into a dream field of writing, photography, travel, and sunshine! I’ve looked online and must admit, the opportunities to become a famous and fabulously traveled photojournalist are pretty much not out there. Now, since I live in a very small area, writing for weekly papers or a local paper is an option, so I just have to be brave enough to submit something publically. Will I get rich, probably not…would I be happier doing this? Absolutely! But I can dream and hope that someday it is me writing from the base of Mt Everest or admiring the temples of some foreign land or strolling lost castles of Europe. Oh, just imagine! 

Option C- Maintain my current position, go to school for LCSW, and work on the writing and photography. This is probably the most grown up option as my kids are not out of the house, thus I cannot move to a smaller apartment and concentrate on myself. (I call this my “girl apartment” where books and art and creativity rule the roost, no televisions allowed aside from a DVD player showing my favorite musicals and movies, and music galore)  Also, in the event that the fame and fortune of writing and snapping pics doesn’t work out, I should have a plan B (i.e. grown up job).

Option D – Make my most unexpected move which is simply to throw this all away and either disappear on some random walkabout that I track via photos and writing or, open my dream bookstore. I’ve got the name already chosen, a possible site assuming I stay in New England, the perfect business partner and pastry maker, and a whole group of gals that will visit my store as regular customers, not to mention create my first reading/discussion group!!! The trick of course is the funding…business plans, business loans, employees (ya, using my kids), locating a solid vendor and book company from which to order including Amazon.com. I’ve got all the ideas in my head, only need to make it real!

Considering that months ago my head was blasting various thoughts and ideas, that my eyes were crossed with possibilities, narrowing it down to these four options seems very reasonable to me. I almost feel like I’ve had this conversation in a past blog, but my options for sure were not as bright as these four seem. There’s a part of me that wants to maintain them all, make them all work somehow into a blended balance of hard work, smiles, joy, and inner peace. My kids will support whatever I choose to see my sarcastic and saucy business side come shining through and no doubt help me, if they are able…setup, dreams, designs, projects, etc. My friends would support whatever direction I decide to go.

On paper, this all looks so easy to me…like I could just pick up a pen and start writing to make this all a reality. Maybe it is that easy, just decide and do it…I tell my boys and their friends this all the time. Let the options be researched and explored, let the creative blend of them all be my solution and my guide, let my happiness allow for growth and direction, let my sadness be lightened by the small joys that make me so happy, let my life and career take a direction that brings me financial stability and the ability to shop on occasion, and that those around me benefit from every gain I make…that’s what I want, that’s my best option!

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