As a reader, I either choose to connect with a writer and his/her voice or I do not. The same will be true of anything I write. Some folks will see my words as friendly, familiar, credible…and others will wonder who in their right mind ever encouraged me to write. As a reader, I find there are writers that touch the core of who I am: Cheryl Strayed, Elizabeth Gilbert, Richard Bach, Joan Anderson, so many others; friends who are writers and poets, Carolee Bennett; and of course blogs that I read that touch me as a parent, woman, travel nut, and encourage a life I want to lead. If I can project even part of that same connection, I am doing something correctly. There is the voice of my parents constantly encouraging me that I have more to offer this world than my 830-5; the voice of my children who know how valuable writing is to me, supporting me even though they think I’m a little nuts but love me just the same. The voices of my friends send me love and smiles. And the voice of my sister, whose determination to follow her own dreams, though much different than mine, is always there and always on my side.
And that is the way I have decided to approach this pending project. I know that my voice connects with some, and does not connect with others. I know my topics connect with some and not with others. I know my way of speaking connects with some and not with others. I have reached out to many friends, many well connected in the business world, selling my need to write and share and utilize my creative skills, and those friends have been very receptive. And helpful…did I mention helpful? I have my first formal meeting tonight with a friend who has been dropping my name all over and may have some leads to follow up on…my gosh, could this really be happening? Could something as simple as a conversation give my voice a “formal business” credibility? I’m so excited, so looking forward to the conversation and direction this is all taken…and yet there is still something inside me, aching to tap my shoulder, whispering behind that positive direction arrow, “Who cares what you have to say?”
At first, I can admit that sneaky voice was debilitating, the same one that crept up on me as a kid, teen, young adult, first time mother…the one that could convince my heart and brain that despite all the positives in my life that I was not worth the time of day…the voice that could turn a moment of joy into a sense of having failed or having said something wrong or having so many second thoughts that I felt discouraged. It’s still there, that voice in a hushed sketchy whisper but I’ve learned, at some level, to control it, to manage it, and I refuse to let it win or waste any more of my time. It’s so much easier to believe something negative, give more credibility to my own doubts…but I’m trying, and I’m winning!!!
I do not expect to have fans or groupies, not that I’m opposed to that, but I do hope that my voice finds the right/intended audiences, and helps steer me a word/step closer to my ultimate goal of writing on a more full time basis. Tonight’s meeting will be my second round of selling those skills…
My goal in creating a blog was simple, to give my voice a sense of confidence, to find strength in a voice I had thought was too weak, and to constantly forge ahead moving onward and upward. Despite my inability to regularly write as of late (technical difficulties), the goal and direction has remained intact. Each new word and paragraph bring a sense of accomplishment; I’m getting stronger, braver, more confident…I see that as a win. The confidence is returning and the forward momentum refuses any effort to be pushed back. The blog is serving its purpose and my heart is smiling!
** I had written the above prior to my meeting. Just to follow up, I found a voice so friendly and so encouraging that I am definitely stepping into a new role, branching out into potentially a new business. This voice restored a hope that things will get better, a voice that can help move me forward, a voice that will hold me accountable, a voice that will be my strength if/when I feel weak, a voice of encouragement on my cloudy days.DD is where we had the meeting, and the Dead Sea provided the salt for my super smooth hands ever! More to come!! **
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