Anyone who has stayed somewhat on top of my blog knows that this year’s focus has been on moving forward, moving on, moving up. I’ve hit my first big wall…and man, it is far easier said than done. I have to write it out, so please know this is just me making noise and giving voice and trying to figure this out. First, my camera amazingly grew legs and walked out of my apartment. To some that is no big deal, its just a camera and no one was injured or ill or terminal, but my camera took my heart when it left. It’s like stealing that lens took my own personal focus with it…I just wonder Why someone would do this to me after I’ve shown nothing but kindness to people who come and go from my house. I am/was/will be devastated about this for a bit. A camera can be replaced, I understand…but I cannot recapture images that have passed me by in its absence and that for me is worse.
Then, having committed to a scooter which my husband had to have, the engine blew. Still breathing, knew I could get it to a shop and have it fixed. It’s rolling into week two as he is NOT mechanically inclined in the slightest. In the meantime, my car has been THE primary transport, and visited the shop itself one of the days I was off last week. Really??? Enough already!
The final highlight…a tooth near the front cracked and broke off. As I am still new at my job, I don’t have the insurance to cover the dental work, and don’t have an emergency stash set aside to take care of it. Granted, it will happen just not quick enough for my liking…and I miss my imperfect smile. Now I just look constipated when I smile…sorry, its the best comparison I can give. You know what I’m talking about…
And that has been my two weeks in a nutshell. In the meantime, I want nothing more than to get my mini business off the ground which may allow me to make some extra money, make some new connections, help change other people’s lives, and get my world back in some semblance of balance. I’m indebted to so many people and look forward to using this extra money to return some of those favors…what a joy it would be to walk in with surprise money and hand it over with a hug, a smile, and a thank you. (Did I mention the broken tooth NOT being good for business).
I find myself, since literally the camera’s disappearance, questioning my self worth…wondering what I have to offer…then the double breakdown vehicle event followed by the broken tooth. I can overcome all this separately but all at once I admit is very difficult. So there it is…just saying it out loud feels like 1000 pounds off my shoulders. And I am alone in this…my husband is not partners in resolution only results, unless the results don’t focus on him in which case, the Alone scenario is the prime scenario. Feeling frustrated, sorry to vent, know this is simply a test of character and another obstacle to overcome. Easier said than done…not giving up…bogged in the mud…fighting like hell!!!