Watching my son…

” I feel hurt, I feel betrayed. How could someone who I gave a roof to, went to bat for, bought smokes for, gave food and drink to, and stood up for a thousand times do this to me? How many times did I tell his father that this time, his son had changed? How many times did I talk to the girlfriend’s parents, standing up for my friend? And now he comes into the house and steals from me? I know that I can be a doormat sometimes but oh my god, why would he do this to me? Fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice, shame on me. I’m done, with a capital D!”

I watched the color drain from my son’s face, watched his body tense and his eyes lose a little sparkle. It was agonizing, and all I could do was listen. I knew this about his friend, have addressed it several times with both boys, even the “friend” in this instance. He is the equivalent of a human anchor that can drown my sons even in the shallowest waters. I ask him repeatedly to stay away but he always comes back and drama ensues…today is perfect proof. I watched my son physically battle the anger and frustration and disgust and betrayal. Every inch of his body reflected the emotion coursing through his mind and his heart. He lost a little something today and I saw it happen…it’s one of the hardest events I have ever witnessed or been a part of. My heart aches as I watch my son.

He continues speaking, moving onto today’s second crisis that immediately followed the first. His father, in his wisdom, decided today that since his scooter broke down (ie the engine blew up) that he would take back the vehicle my son has been working on. New battery, new tires, soon to have new power steering lines, brake lines, shocks & struts…$750 for a vehicle his father had put aside, left to rot and disintegrate in my yard. I watched my son stand up and say NO- that is NOT the way this is going down. His father replied…well you can have the truck once you officially have your license. I watched my son try to process the words he was hearing, trying to balance the theft by his friend on top of now being told his vehicle was being taken back…rage, anger, frustration, a quick flash of hopelessness, betrayal. His father saw it as well and called him selfish. (he will not have that vehicle after my son and I did all the footwork and negotiating to get those repairs completed. the truck will remain my son’s vehicle, regardless of whatever consequences and repercussions may follow.)

I watched my son battle two betrayals in a row, try to process how people can treat him this way, understand that not everyone shows the same loyalty and respect to him as he shows them. I watched him become enraged. I watched my young man mirror the upset little child he once was…I saw the same hurt, the same anger, the same sadness wash over his beautiful face. I continued to listen, inputting my “mom” only where it was needed…I sat with him, didn’t leave his side until he got up to go do boy stuff. I watched a soul splitting battle that will forever damage who my son is, how he will view the world, who he will trust, and potentially who and how he loves. I watched my son…

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