In today’s politically correct world, where truth has to be carefully worded and spoken to avoid, I mean let’s admit it, hurting feelings, it’s very difficult to be clear and direct. I make every attempt to provide a clear but polite brush-off, when boundaries are being crossed, especially those of someone I’m very close to, my son.
It seems, the more I come in contact with the younger kids, that the relationships are all so desperate, for lack of a better word. It’s a clingy, constant texting, unlimited access via phone and computer, constant photographing of the young couple, posting of various “I wish our love was like….” and choose appropriate photo or comic. And then, once all those posts and song lyrics for the first hour are used up and awaiting approval, response, likes, comments, and lovey responses, it’s time to find new posts and movies and messages and comics/photos. It has to be exhausting! That’s a lot of work for a first time relationship or high school romance. I believe in happy endings, don’t get me wrong…but those messages just wear me out, just reading them or seeing them. Desperate…clingy…needy…dependent…
But back to the brushoff…my son is in his first real relationship. And it is long distance to boot which makes it even harder. Like all young couples, there are multiple FB posts, song lyrics, etc and all day/all night texting…and she texts my phone as well. Right now, she is feeling ignored and from a female perspective, I know that feeling and can empathize. As Mike’s Mom, I can’t disclose the details she so desperately wants to hear from me…clearly, loyalty is to the boy first. He is currently going through something right now…he looks a mess and seems to have no energy or desire to make the effort to look any better. He is quiet and keeps to himself…we don’t talk as often as we did a while ago…he sleeps for long stretches of times and naps whenever he can catch a free moment. He ignores the intimate details and focuses on xbox where he can disconnect from the thoughts and demands swimming through his head. I can see it…I don’t have to press for those details as they are physically written all over his appearance. And then her text comes….again.
I politely say he seems to be going through something, but stay positive and talk to him directly. Be open. Ask if you can help. He’s working on his license, fixing up his truck (which has been a huge project), looking for a better and full time job (sort of). He is trying to buy her plane tickets so she can come home to Maine and they can be together. He’s 20…it’s a handful to manage. But she needs to talk to him…be straight with him…call a spade a spade (which I told her) as she is giving up her own home and vehicle, her family, the town and world she has known her entire life.
And still more texts come…again I respond with You really need to speak to him yourself, not to me. I don’t have the answers she is looking for, he hasn’t talked to me but I know him just based on who he is. That’s a very clear message in my mind…talk to him directly…I don’t think there are any mixed signals or miscommunicated ideas. Is there a more polite brush-off to avoid getting myself out of this conversation?