I had to comment today on FB in response to a rude comment…difficult as I don’t really respond to anything negative, EVER. I feel that my positive voice and energy represent who and where I am, how I want to be seen, what I want to be about.
The woman stated that she has to laugh, so much fake shit on FB, but that it’s better she keep her mouth closed. Normally, I would jump over that and keep going. Today however, it almost immediately followed my post about spending time with my family and feeling blessed for so much goodness in my life. She is an EX of my father’s and the comment related specifically to him. Whether the timing was coincidence or not, it hit me wrong and I responded with a post of my own.
“I usually say nothing…but today, if you can’t say something nice on FB leave it unsaid. Our lives are filled with enough challenges without hurtful words or innuendos or indirect insults. Words are forever.At the end of the day, will those words have achieved anything? And does saying those words really make a huge difference? In inflicting or hinting hurtful words, does your world level out and is your soul filled with peace and serenity? Just something to think about… Rant over!”
I worried that this voice would attract a bad response, and almost didn’t post it. My words had just the opposite effect. So in the end, I still wonder if her comment brought her peace and did it achieve its desired goal? Did it make someone feel bad or stupid, or did it just reflect badly on her that she would take the time to post something mean? And why post it at all…what’s the goal? Was her Buddha in the corner with his arm raised in solidarity? Did serenity and peace and calm overtake her spirit?
I’m not sure just why it is that this stupid comment bothered me so much today. It’s been quite a year for me, and I was always able to stay positive and upbeat. I had a couple moments of frustration but never anything of that I would have posted or shared. I feel like social media just isn’t the place for any of that…I caution my own sons about words and their eternal and piercing power once sent out to the universe. I wonder if maybe it was me overreacting … and then I think no I did not. Did my rant bring me peace? I think it did in so much as my words were approved of by several of my friends, that they were taken as wisdom or strength vs just being mean. And the message here is simple, like our mother’s taught us…if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
As I begin the next chapter of my life, in an effort to resume a sense of normality, I find the need to create something fresh and new. I can say it is selfishly just for myself, just a place to locate and situate and direct what I hope becomes a travel journal of some kind. My last post involved admitting that returning to work has various purposes, the biggest being the buy myself an RV of some kind …. a new camera … maybe even a new laptop though I admit, I love the one I am using right now. There are so many approaches to how I can complete the journal … writing, photos, utilizing new gadgets and speaking to/ tagging the product company or website or online advertisements. Or, it can be just another page for myself with a handful of followers. Clearly, there is still much planning to do and details to be defined and implemented.
That being said, my head reels as I think of the potential wonders of wandering. The Wonders of Wandering will be the home of my new site, assuming the title/site has not already been claimed here on WordPress. I can hope only that some of you will come with me…share my stories, share your own, and enjoy what is being shared.
Having roped up the old pony and saddle a few months ago, I’m excited that it’s time to get back on the horse and get back to normal life. With just a few radiation treatments remaining, I’ve spent the last two evenings sending out my resume like a maniac/Maine-iac! Just imagine, a phone call of interest…arranging the meeting…starting another new chapter in my life…daunting in a sense yet totally exciting to me.
I have a plan this time, goals and savings and all … yes, I should have done this sooner and been more adult but my bills are always paid even if my refrigerator isn’t always full. Goal … an RV of some size… within the next five years bought and paid for in full in order to take my aging father on one last wild adventure in the RV to anywhere he wants to go. I keep reviewing all these cool places and cool ideas…the thought of this trip with Dad and my sister makes me totally excited, reminds me just how alive my heart and spirit are and have been, and how shocked my father will be when I kidnap him out of the blue!
Maybe I’m crazy…maybe wandering will become my new way of life…maybe I’ve always wandered in a sense and am just realizing it. Either way, my perspective has changed throughout this whole ordeal and the only reason I’m jumping back into the rat race, getting back in the saddle, rejoining the grown up world, is to ultimately satisfy my need to roam in an RV, take pictures, write about it, and give Dad the shock of his life with this unlimited adventure on my dime. It’s realistic right? I’m not totally mental! LOL
For too long, I have been away from the adult world of stop and go, work and play. It’s not who I am. Before, I worked because it was the right thing to do, the grown up thing to…bills have to be paid. That was it … no other goals… no hopes or dreams that it would result in anything more. It’s sad when I think about it … I rarely even shopped. My kids had the necessities and it always seemed enough but it wasn’t, ISN’T! I need this adventure as much as my father does … maybe more I am starting to think as I put it into writing. And my kids and my life deserve more … we haven’t had a family vacation in a long time … how wrong is that. So let’s throw that in there too… an awesome family escape to somewhere, camping even if close by or preferably somewhere like Yellowstone or Big Bear or Stone Mountain.
It’s symbolic I guess as I’m reading through/along … to be the wandering cowgirl/mama/daughter I have to do the grown up thing and get back on the pony and out onto the range and in the field. It’s the only way not only to host the adventure my heart and spirit needs but to fulfill some missed adventures and experiences for my family. Close by, far away doesnt matter so long as it is concentrated time together that we can afford. Giddy up!
I have to admit, I’ve committed to a throw back. That’s right, actual paper and pen…a new journal for this lady. I find that keeping my laptop with me for all ideas and random thoughts doesn’t really work out, and I’m not dedicated enough most nights to stay up this late writing. On tumultuous weekends, like this one, it’s easier to just pull out my little journal and take a written escape or create a rant or just jot down my thoughts. I’m a lightweight when it comes to this journaling, and certainly don’t want anything negative online…I keep those thoughts completely to myself, in the journal. Not that it’s a negative thing to talk or write honestly but rather that my drama is just that, my own.
I admit that I’m finishing one journal before I begin the new one, at least that is the plan. The new journal is for my Florida trip, my getaway, my sunshine therapy…though I am itching to write in it. I need to get to Staples and get some fun pens, and by fun I mean gel pens. I’m silly like that…always wanting the new paper to have new pens. Or maybe, if I’m lucky, find a really fun color…that would be fantastic. I used to have a quill style pen that wrote in a lovely shade of purpley blue…that sounds so girly but it was the most gentle color, so friendly and soft, comforting like a pale blue sky. I ran out of ink for it years ago and was never able to find a pen to its equal. But I will find something!
So while I have been absent here online for a bit, I’m still writing. It’s the throwback type of writing though, looking inward while letting it all flow onto paper. It reminds me what it is I love about writing…the feel of the paper, the ink, handwriting. It’s what brought me to literature and writing to begin with, taking me back to my roots and a love I found as a child. Old school…maybe. Throw back…for sure. But first love…absolutely!